Kevin Withane here’s my copy riffing to show you what I meant today and getting it a bit tighter/more punchy…

Build culture for the long term

Sustainably balance financial results with long term vision

Join our community of human leaders and long-term thinkers….

Lexi Radcliffe-Hart and Stephanie Dotto, TPC’s copy magicians – it would be great to hear your insights!

Okay, so a magicians take (thanks Fiona Chorlton-Voong!)

I’d avoid repetition of phrases unless crucial, and the main point is to position your audience immediately – using the second person really helps and avoiding I/we as much as possible so that they can see the benefits more clearly/align themselves with your offering.

Build organisational culture for the future

Sustainably balance financial results with long term vision

Join our community of human leaders and long-term thinkers and help shape business to make the world a better place.

With [company/community name], you can

– align your organisations purpose with that of your leadership team and employees

– access the tools to embrace a holistic management approach

– embrace equity and inclusion to unleash the power of diversity on your organisation.

Join now to get started.

Hi Kevin Withane – just from an SEO perspective you need to think about the types of keywords people might be using to find your website. What would they be searching on Google if they wanted to find someone who offers your services? Do those keywords/phrases appear in your copy? Simple and clear is always best. I would suggest putting yourself in the shoes of someone who might want to hire you and looking at the copy from that perspective. Also, avoid industry jargon wherever possible as it may come off vague or confusing to outsiders. I would break it down into ’here’s what we do’ and ’here’s how it can benefit you’. Hope that’s helpful! Lexi’s draft above has some good examples of that.